Christmas Stories
The Christmas stories are an annually recurring storyline where Kevin dreams he’s shanghaied into helping out at Santa Claus’s assorted Christmas facilities. Frasier River After being forgotten at a bar in Vancouver. Kevin is woken by a pixie named Peaseblossom who thinks he’s a troublemaking temporary employee for the Christmas rush. Her assumption is based on his being locked in the bar at 3:00 in the morning. Just as he’s about to explain this could happen to anyone, Kevin sees that the bar is full of all sorts of mythical creatures waiting to be taken to Santa Claus’s Frasier River Workshop. Peaseblossom explains that Santa actually has numerous workshops and to ensure speed he actually just replaces the sleigh he is driving with another full load with a fresh team of Reindeer. When she learns that Kevin is a drummer, Peaseblossom is delighted. The facility had needed one to keep the beat for the workers. After this Kevin fits in quickly, even participating in office politics with a pair of elves bearing a striking resemblance to Paul and Gage. Santa’s sleigh finally arrives driven by Kris . She agrees to take Kevin home once Christmas is over. While waiting Kevin tries to hit on Peaseblossom who reciprocates forcefully, but before they can get past the first kiss Kris returns to take Kevin home despite his protests. Kevin wakes up in the band’s practice loft. The Heart of the Storm Finishing their job of emergency back up band for Jodi Fontaine’s Asian tour, the Circle Band arrives in Hong Kong. Dozing off in the hotel lounge Kevin is shocked when Peaseblossom wakes him up. She immediately drags him outside to a huge wooden “bus” drawn by a team of Mastodons. The bus takes them to a huge castle in the “Heart of the Storm”. There they are greeted by Yuki-Onna , who explains that it is Kevin’s job to lead hundreds of Drummers in the correct beat based on his success from the year before. Strangely there do not seem to be any workers for the drummers to keep a beat for. Meanwhile Santa arrives. Quickly moving to his next sleigh and moving on to the next step of his route, he completely misses Peaseblossom’s desperate attempts to ingratiate herself. Kevin tries to comfort Peaseblossom who gives him a gift certificate as a Boxing Day gift and promptly throws herself on Kevin. At this moment Kevin wakes up in the band’s practice loft. Area 51 Kevin finds himself in a dark alleyway where he sees Yuki-Onna “out on a stroll”. He asks her if she’s here to take him to the heart of the storm again. Yuki Onna says she is not, but she has heard rumors. Before Kevin can ask her about these rumors two men in black take him away. Kevin finds himself alone in an interrogation room, which for some reason leaves him unimpressed. . Only when Peaseblossom appears dressed in a pixie’s version of a man in black’s uniform does he feel nervous. Peaseblossom apparently knows about Michelle’s Halloween party as well as his mistaking Bian for her, and is very angry with Kevin. However she tells him as much as she’d like to do terrible things to him she isn’t allowed to hurt the efficiency expert, and show’s him the facility. Kevin has been taken to Area 51 (Not the real one, the one with the flying saucers) Due to government cutbacks Santa Claus has been able to buy out the facility. And Peaseblossom has been put in charge of the transition process. Things go well until some of the old hands misunderstand their new job description and try to shoot Santa’s sleigh down once they saw it on the radar. It turns out that Santa (Kris again actually) is fine but despite all evidence to the contrary Peaseblossom is convinced that everyone will blame her and sic the Krampi on her. Kevin finally manages to comfort Peaseblossom and grinning she takes him to a dark room. (Just like she promised.) Kevin wakes up in his bedroom with Bian next to him. Santa’s Gulag Terrified that Peaseblossom will find out that Bian used his gift certificate to buy him a present, Kevin walks down the street. As he walks by an alleyway a large hairy hand comes out and drags him in. Kevin is woken abruptly by Bert and finds himself in a boat on a way to the Island where Santa takes all of the naughty children. Kevin is surprised as he thought that Santa didn’t do that anymore. Peaseblossom explains that it’s only for extremely naughty, children and when she says this what she really means are evil psychotics. Kevin is assigned to the arsonists. His job consists of being the guy with the fire extinguisher. He quickly manages to exert his authority by “extinguishing” a loud-mouthed jack in the box named Jabez Dawes. He also meets the island’s only volunteer a frighteningly earnest girl named Virginia who sees nothing wrong with children being taken to the island without due process. After a night of hard work, Santa arrives, Peaseblossom and some of the other mythical staff members, fed up with Virginia, stuff her in the bag and lock her in the closet. Peaseblossom tries to talk to Kevin only to find he has fallen asleep again. Kevin wakes up in the practice loft. The Relay Station Waking from a dream Kevin is shocked to find that he is yet again in another Christmas setting, this time on an antarctic island Santa has just aquired the lease for, which Peaseblossom calls the Relay Station. Once again Peaseblossom is mad at Kevin for not using her gift certificate but is too busy to be really mad as she is in charge of getting the new location ready. Instead she foists him off on the newly promoted Bert who does everything he can think of to make Kevin's life miserable. The reason behind this is that his replacement as Peaseblossom's assistant is an earnest new worker named Gerald. Thank's to Gerald's assistance productivity has doubled. Realizing this Kevin tries to help Bert regain Peaseblossom's attention while dealing with various pest problems. When Santa finally arrives. Peaseblossom discovers that Gerald had been using her signiture to take credit for everything as well as writing himself glowing recomendations. He walks off with a new promotion leaving Peaseblossom depressed. With Kevin coaching him, Bert tries to comfort Peaseblossom. by giving her a flower. However Peaseblossom imediatly assumes Kevin put him up to it and throws herself on him. References 1 Frasier River 2 The Heart of the Storm 3 Yuki-Onna in the City 4 Area 51 5 Santa's Gulag 6 The Relay Station Category:Storyline Category:Christmas